Life in Sweden // Moments of February 2017

February 2017.

At the beginning of February, I was having problems with sleeping, I have not been able to have a good healthy sleep for a very long time. Maybe that is a cause of my emotional state of mind? I wrote down some of the dreams I remembered. About one I wrote that I kept hearing a scream, it started like a far away quiet scream and eventually was becoming louder and louder, until it felt like screaming in my head and I woke up all shaking.

I started listening and reading about psychology and spirituality of dreams. I did not find the information I sought to, but I run upon a story of one man, who talked about religion and God in his life. This man is trying to learn unconditional forgiveness, to forgive everyone and love unconditionally everyone, but he admits he is not that strong, of course, it's not easy and can't 100% do it. This made me think about my own nature what I know from my personality data in astrology, I am always that one who forgives a lot of hurts, and still keeps loving that person - let it be a family member, best friend, a partner, lover, anyone. I am just made that way, and when I should also cut out that person, I have a hard time to do it. When I was younger, this "trait" made me cry a lot, because I kept giving myself. I run out of energy, as in this modern world such trait is not acceptable. Everyone is more like a lion, a fighter, a warrior, than feeling high-speed energies and rather wish to see good in everyone. I know there are like me too but seems that many of us suffer depression. But during my process of getting better, a healing process, when I finally put action than wait for "better times"... I need to analyze all of this.

In the middle of February, I was surprised at what a huge energy boost I received. In one day I made so much long-term food like I have never ever done it. Done by recipe (+added my own spices) muesli and prepared a really nice lunch and a plan for the next week. I have started to go back to planning weekly shopping. Also, I cleaned the whole apartment, then I even fixed the ugly bottles which my partner loves to save in the fridge with water. I draw and wrote on them quotes we like for our own inspiration. Sorted out my cloth bags again, brought some stuff to SwopShop in Malmö. Somehow very productive few days.

This quote came to me after few discussions about 3D level love relationships. "If you love someone you can forgive them for all of the crazy and idiotic things they do because love is a leap of faith and sometimes you just have to jump". 

On a social life level, I have been meeting up with a few new people for fikas. With Kim, we did another photoshoot, and it's interesting to see how I open up more and it feels a bit easier. Kim goes eco at home photo shoot at home. With Polly, we stroll around Malmö and talk about ideas. Also, I started to go around more Malmö on my bike, exploring the parts I had forgotten about. Still going to sauna weekly or every second week, alone or with Malin, depends on our time schedule. Having a sauna and sea swim gives a really amazing feeling! I can't believe I did not think about this earlier, the best activity to work on healing.

Oh, Sara got back from her off-grid trip! I visited my ex-housemates or more like their cats... Then had a long walk with Erik, and, yeah, just focusing on eating well, as my mind begins to feel lighter, clearer, I also have gained energy to focus on "better living". 

Soon I am off to Riga.

 

Valentine's day dinner.